Really Upset Right Now

Something happened this week that shook me...

I really hate saying it that way. I don't know, like it's showing weakness or something.

Let me explain what happened.

So my Little, from Big Brothers Big Sisters, generally comes to my house after school. She's then picked up by her grandmother.  Last year (while I was still a student, so generally home at the time) she got here around 3:50, and was gone by 4:10.

More or less. Sometimes her grandmother was late, or other things happened.

This year I have a job (yay!) and aren't at home. No big deal, she's old enough to handle that.

One of her classmates lives in the area, and sometimes hangs out with her.

Anyways. This week her grandmother was out of state, visiting relatives, and wasn't there to pick her up at the usual time... so my Little has basically been chilling at my place until her mom gets off work.

Tuesday I got off work and called her up, asked if she wanted dinner before I took her to her mom. We didn't have a lot of time, so I wanted it to be quick.

I get  home, and she and her friend are outside my house... and freaked out because some white SUV (or was it one of those trucks with the cover for the pick up bed? I'm not sure... I saw it, and it was definitely big and white) had been acting weird. Slowed to a crawl, turned around, slowly drove past a second time, then turned into the parking lot of a nearby business. The girls also said something about hearing them say 'grab them' or something, but I dunno. Were the windows down? I wasn't there...

Anyways. Like I said, I did see a big white SUV in the parking lot, and it sure seemed to drive off soon after they saw me looking.

Now, my Little didn't come Wed. I think they were freaked out enough that she basically stayed at the school, though I'm not entirely clear on the details. She was here yesterday, no problem.

Today, at work, she messages me. Her spelling and grammar isn't the greatest (and it's messaging, so people aren't as picky what with autocorrect fails and all that) but I'll quote it exactly:

"Their was too old people across the street ask weird questions and it was a red van idk what they were doing but i figured I would let u know"

Her grandmother is back, btw, and had already picked her up so she was no longer there. I asked her what sorts of questions, and she said "Like do I live their and if they could have my hair if they could cut and that I was beautiful"

And, even if you don't know anything, I'm sure that sounds plenty creepy to you all... but I've been through a kick or two where I read up on organized crime (terrorists get funding that way, and other reasons) and human trafficking (the book Somebody's Daughter is informative. I hate to say 'good' about such a depressing topic, but worth reading) and it sounded all too much like what human traffickers do.

Except this wasn't some black and white text, with people I've never met, in some place like Las Vegas.

This, if it's what I think it is, is right on my own damn street, in my own town, and potentially targeting vulnerable girls like my Little and her friend.

It makes me angry, tbh. Scared and angry, though I hate saying that.

I wish I could just shake them and say "what the hell are you thinking? What do you see when you look at these girls? Do you even see them as human beings? I mean, you can't possibly, otherwise how could you do what you do? How do you look and see - what? a commodity? Money? - and not see young girls who have a right to live their own lives, ones without assholes like you in it."

How to Change the World - A Theory

Lunch-time edition:


I sometimes ponder the connection between the micro and macro levels.





That's a broad statement, but true.  What's the connection, for example, between your economic activity as on a small scale (microeconomics) and economic activity on a large scale (macroeconomics).  Or between physics at a size smaller than Planck's constant, versus Newtonian physics at the level we see every day?  The macro, after all, is made up of the micro (again...tiny grains of sand that add up to one big sand dune).






And I think of that, sometimes, as applied to changing the world.  You can try to change in broad brushstrokes.  Focus on getting mosquito nets, for example, to reduce the impact of malaria in Africa.  Or focus on a more micro level, like volunteering as a mentor with Big Brothers Big Sisters.






Why choose one over the other?  I can't help thinking that a mentorship program like BBBS is more...in depth.  When I think of how people change, its normally because of long term and daily interactions.  There's no silver bullet, no shortcuts.  True change comes from the type of involvement you have with your family and friends.  I believe that's one of the underlying reasons why research repeatedly shows that economic segregation is bad.  Bad for rich, bad for poor...bad in part because there are few role models of success for the poor when all they know is other poor people.  And there's a lack of understanding on the part of the rich, when their only experience with poverty is to come sweeping in with charity.






Having that level of interaction, that type of involvement, is slow.  Time consuming.  You can only help one person or one family at a time, because who has the energy (or capability) to have that kind of relationship with hundreds?  Big Brothers Big Sisters is a great program, yet they struggle to find enough mentors. 


Funny enough, it's also some of the most rewarding experiences available.  Being a Big Sister is a bit like being an aunt, or other caring relative.  All those studies on happiness discuss the importance of having a caring connection with the people around us.  Family.  Friends.  Mentors and mentees.  This is what makes life worth living...and yet so many people are too busy to support it, and would rather just give a donation. 






I do see the appeal of working on a large scale.  It can seem more satisfying, in that you can help so many more people all at once.  But there are dangers to that, as well.  It can be more impersonal.  De-humanizing.  I think some of the criticisms about foreign aid are, in part, because it's so bureaucratic.  Disempowering.  You don't get the sense that they care about you, as an individual.  Or that they are giving you a choice, a say in your own life.  It can come across as patronizing, an "I know better than you what will fix you (and boy, do you need fixing.)"


In my own life, I've travelled so much that I feel more connected to the macro (i.e. national politics, world events) than I do to my own personal micro (i.e. the events affecting the town I live in.  Or even my state.)  Yet all those national events - like our upcoming presidential election - are made up of any number of micro events.  The local political structure that tries to get out the vote.  The local politics and history that determine our voting districts.  I'm more likely to know the presidential candidates than the candidates running for my state representative, or mayor.


But I digress.  The point I was getting at is that in-depth, micro activities (if they have enough support) can lead to some truly amazing macro changes.  And that maybe, just maybe, it's better to focus on growing and nurturing those small changes instead of trying to make a sweeping big change.


Stay tuned for part II.