Where is the Love?, Part II

 I realized my last post is... incomplete. Let's see if I can organize my thoughts a little more, and explain.

 In my last post I said:

...sometimes the most loving thing you can do is make it clear that certain behavior is unacceptable.

 I feel I need to explain this a bit better, though as always it's complicated.

First - people naturally get defensive when they get negative feedback. All too often it feels like an attack, even when it's not meant to be.

Yet we know that top performers need it. That honest feedback is how we improve. That, for example, a star athlete that never has a coach point out where they can move more efficiently will never reach their full potential.

This is part of why in the Army we always had After Action Reviews (AARs), where we were supposed to note what went wrong, what went well, and what we can do better next time.

To get that top performance, you need a certain level of maturity and understanding from all the parties involved.

The person hearing a critique has to be mature enough that they don't take it personally. That people are not saying "you're a failure", but rather are giving them critical insights that they can use to do better.

The person giving the critique has to trust that their critique will be taken as intended, too. Because if they think the person they're critiquing will feel attacked and get defensive than they may create an enemy they didn't need to.

That's part of why good leaders absolutely have to set the right tone. They have to make it absolutely clear that they want the unvarnished truth.

More importantly, they have to demonstrate, over and over again, that they really mean it.

Because if they react poorly even once - everyone who saw that or heard about it is unlikely to risk telling them the truth a second time.

 At the same time, I use the word 'critique' because it absolutely should not be an attack, or personal. It's the difference between "that was foolish" and "you're a fool".

These are all things we generally suck at, tbh. All too often people stifle themselves until they can't any longer, and then when they speak it's a storm of emotions and everyone winds up feeling angry and hurt.

Sometimes it seems like it's an impossible thing, if not for the many real world examples where I see people doing better. 

But let's get back on track.

It's hard to explain how or why this can work to people who have significant experience with it failing, especially when we're talking about human interactions. Body language makes up 80% of that, and people are often not self-aware enough to realize what signals they are sending. Which is why someone can claim that they are being calm and logical, while the other party sees them getting defensive and angry.

However, if you figure it out, miracles can occur. Because in some ways we all crave having a true friend. 

Someone who knows us inside and out, sees us with all our strengths and weaknesses, and loves us anyway.

And when someone is able to offer feedback, loving feedback, that doesn't carry an undertone of attack implying that "I hate you for doing this" or "I can't love you when you do this", then it's more likely to be listened to and heard.

It's moments like that which make people truly feel connected, and as studies repeatedly show - human connection is the primary source of happiness.

To expand on this a bit more -

This is why there's such a trope of the 'poor little rich boy'. Over and over again it seems like the rich and powerful just naturally find themselves surrounded by 'yes men'. And women. People who don't give honest feedback, who hide away their true opinions and true selves, because their position and power comes from pleasing that person. They have to make a very concerted effort to prevent that, and not everyone understands why it matters or how to do it - or even has the maturity to do so.

So we see the rich and powerful start living in bubbles, surrounded by liars and sycophants, and they lose touch with reality. 

Negative feedback is watered down or even hidden away completely. Nobody wants to tell them that their idea or project isn't working out.

And I think, on some level, the rich and powerful feel this. They know that these relationships are empty and hollow, the junk food of the soul.

(I will not claim all of their relationships are like this, though. I hope they've got at least one good one somewhere).

 You and I can say the things we wish they would hear, but they have no reason to trust us or believe us, and have a whole posse of people willing to soothe away any doubts. Tell them that "it's just sour grapes". That they're special - smarter and better than the rest, and that the opinions of nobodies don't matter.

I'll also admit that they're not always wrong. Not so much about the 'smarter and better' because really, arrogant much? But there are people who are just jealous of success, and will criticize and tear you down.

Which is another reason why it's so important to have those trusted relationships. They can help you sort out what's valid and what isn't.

Anyways, I could go into the things I personally wish they would hear, but... it feels like quite a bit of this blog has already done that. 

Actually give a shit about people - not just your privileged buddies. Everyone. And if you're not mature enough to listen and learn, then quit trying to control everything. 

You're just making things worse. 

 

 

Where is the Love?

 While I do like the Black Eyes Peas song, the title of this post isn't because of that.

Rather, it's because of something my father said in passing. Iirc he was talking about how people interact on social media, how they talk about politics, and he commented that the arguments and criticisms were being said without love.

Sometimes Dad has a perspective that is far different from everyone else, and when I thought about it I had to admit - he's not wrong.

I do not consider myself very religious, yet I know and accept that much of my world view was shaped by 11 years of Catholic schooling. That plus being raised by pretty devout Catholic parents. And Dad's comment about love reminded me of the old church song I heard growing up. The one that says "and they'll know we are Christians by our love."

Yeah... is there any wonder I question the 'Christianity' of Trump supporters? Not seeing the love there. Or if it is, it's a small and pitiful thing that is only for those like them.

But many people have pointed that out already, and the ones I'd want to hear it have so far seemed unwilling to see it.

Rather, I find myself pondering my own attitudes and beliefs here. Because even without going to church regularly, I do try to do love my neighbor as myself. And if I consider my father's point about how we talk to each other, I have to admit I'm not exactly showing the love either.

I am, in fact, struggling to feel it right now. Emotionally, I would put it like this.

The United States has been the shining city on the hill, one that casts a deep and dark shadow. Both are true about this nation I have loved. It has valued some grand ideals, and it has fallen horribly short of actually living up to them.

But right now, it's as though someone has started pouring a greasy, filthy, rank coating of oil over that shining city. It's dimming the parts that used to shine, and deepening the gloom in the shadows.

And as the lights keep going out, one by one, too few seem to even try stopping it.

Those so-called Christians? They're helping pump the filth in.

And I have watched as Trump politicizes... everything. There isn't even an attempt at being president for all of us. He is petty and vindictive and withhold aid from blue states, block normal procurement procedures so he can funnel resources to his allies, and basically make everyone around him angrier and smaller and pettier. 

And people cheer.

But I do feel like responding with the level of venom and hate that I have seen just exacerbates the problem. It's the Sunni and Shi'a spiral in Iraq all over again. And it also feels like Trump and his allies want that to happen. It gives them an enemy to point at, someone to blame and justify cracking down on his opponents even harder.

So I am trying to reconcile these very different points of view. I'm not sure I would even call them that, as they're not necessarily very coherent. 

Love thy neighbor.

Forgive each other.

And yet, I don't want the harm I see go unaddressed. I don't want that 'forgiveness' or 'love' to mean just ignoring it as ICE disappears people, and blocks any oversight of what's going on in their detention centers.

I don't want us to just ignore the completely unnecessary (and illegal) bombings of boats in the Caribbean.

I don't want all the slimy and disgusting filth to be covered up in some desperate bid to pretend everything is fine. 

Yet I also don't want things to turn into a witch hunt. Or rather, I don't want the pendulum of crazy to swing the other way.

 I want actual nation-wide healing. Some resolution. Some movement towards cleaning up that shining city, and even putting in some street lights so there aren't so many shadows.

And so I think a bit more, about what those Catholics schools taught about the sacrament of Reconciliation. 

Forgiveness and spiritual healing. The whole sacrament is not about pretending you never did anything wrong. It's about helping you address those wrongs, so you can reconcile with God. If you're given a penance, it's not about punishment or discipline. It's about helping you make reparations.

(You can see some similarities to discussions of our criminal justice system - and the debate over whether it's purpose is punishment or reparation.)

What I want, impossible as it seems right now, is for those who have been pouring out and spreading that rank filth to repent. And if they can't see the harm they are doing and repent - which I admit seems highly likely - I want society to have the political willpower and resources needed to address that.

Not in a "now we're the top dogs and we can punish you" way. That just makes the whole filthy mess continue, especially if it allows all this misinformation to continue. 

More in the 'Nuremburg trials' way. Something that gets at the real truth, in as open and fair and honest a way possible. One that holds people accountable, not out of hate or anger, but because sometimes the most loving thing you can do is make it clear that certain behavior is unacceptable.

That spreading misinformation (as one example) is one of those things, and that there are consequences to knowingly doing so.

That threatening to withhold resources simply because you don't like the governor of a state is another.

That nobody is above the law - something I used to think we all agreed on, but apparently do not. 

And we definitely need to address the abuse of power the current interpretations of executive privilege are enabling.

Maybe...

Maybe, if we can find the political will to address these things, we can recover from this disastrous administration.

It's hard to see it happening right now, though. 

 

Predictably Irrational - Thoughts

I'm reading a chapter exploring market norms vs social norms and it hit me-

People have described certain individuals as 'transactional'. Often with a negative connotation. (Trump is, ofc, the primary and most common example)...

And the reason for that, I think, is that it's obvious he's applying market norms even to things that normally are social norms.

Like marriage.

It also reminds me of stories I've heard about the 1% regarding things like splitting the check for dinner. 

I suspect that part of what we're seeing is a culture of market norms. One that is, frankly, horrifying to those of us who know the joys of social norms. Of friendship and community and connections that aren't all about 'what's in it for me?'.

Strictly a theory of course. Some days I think I'd like to win the lottery, just so I can mingle and rub elbows and sort of make a personal study on the different cultural norms.

For my own curiosity - I'm definitely not going to be writing up proper scientific studies or anything. I just feel like I'm guessing at why they do the (short sighted and foolish) things they do, and it's mostly by trying to read between the lines of various reports and things. Not really reliable. 

Seriously, though. Why do we consistently see the rich and powerful grow arrogant, out of touch, selfish, greedy, and controlling?

Is it truly inevitable? Human nature? The natural corruption that comes with power?

Enquiring minds want to know.

Vaccines, Mid-Terms, and Other Things

My parents taught me without saying a word, that while we may be part of society and share a culture and history with society, we can pick and choose which parts we want to keep for ourselves.

For Halloween, for example. My parents didn't like the phrase "Trick or Treat'. I forget the exact way they phrased it, but basically you're threatening to trick people unless they give you candy. So they taught us to always say "Happy Halloween" instead.

Oh, they also never taught us to believe in Santa Claus. 

They didn't like black comedy. Mom didn't like us having the TV on when we ate together, and they didn't have cable TV.

So we were part of society, but we were also sometimes different. Maybe even a bit nerdy and weird.

And that's okay. For the most part I kind of liked it. Sure, it's a bit weird to have everyone talking about a show you've never seen. But years later I saw an episode of that show (Beavis and Butthead) and tbh I don't really understand why it was that popular in the first place.

The point of all that is to say this:

While I would not say I'm completely independent, that I never follow a crowd or do things without thinking, if I have decided something than it's decided. 

And I don't really care how many people disagree.

 That's kind of where I am with regards to vaccines, and with regards to Trump.

For vaccines - and the Covid vaccine in particular - it has been six years since Covid hit. Almost six years since the vaccine was released. And unless there are long term consequences in twenty-thirty years that we won't learn about until we've reached that, we have pretty good data on it's effects and side effects.

There are studies now that are able to look, county by county, and compare the vaccination rates to the death rates and hospitalization rates.

It has been long enough that the data is available. We're not waiting for reports to trickle in.

And the evidence is overwhelming clear. 

Vaccines save lives.

This is not up for debate. This is not in doubt. 

And anyone trying to argue differently just makes me question their judgement.

Which, given the widespread anti-vax attitude, means that I'm questioning the judgement of quite a few people. Some of them even somewhat distant family members that I care about.

It's a similar story with Trump supporters. The fastest way to make me question your ability to make good decisions is to tell me you support Trump.

The fastest way to make me question whether billionaires deserve their wealth is to see them propping up and enabling Trump. (And see the way they treat their employees too, tbh.)

I don't really care how many people seem swayed, how many sing his praises, how many cheer. All it does is show how deep the rot has spread.

And right now, it's clearly spread pretty deep.

The problem, right now, is what we're going to do about it.

I don't want an America that makes people 'disappear', whether their immigrants or not. 

I don't want an America that bombs civilian boats, especially when their engines could have been shot and evidence collected. If they're drug runners doing something illegal, arrest them. Whatever happened to due process?

There's so many statements that start like that. So many things I thought we cared about, that apparently 'we' do not.

I am worried about the midterms. Not so much the votes themselves, since it seems quite clear that the midterms will go against Trump and his sycophants and manipulators.

I am worried because they've already proven they don't care about the rule of law. They're already continuing to lay the groundwork to sow doubts if they lose. To try to mobilize their supporters and overturn the results when they don't go their way.

These people are clearly the type who will keep pushing, and pushing, until someone forcefully makes them stop...

And I don't see the willpower to make them stop.

Not consistently, at least.

Not on the same level. 

 

AI

 I have described myself as AI skeptical. That was because I knew and felt the same frustration most people have had

 with AI, and yet I also see the potential.

I have long thought that computers and humans were... complementary. They're better at certain things than we are, we're better at other things, and I frankly look forward to dumping all the tedious, mind-numbing and boring work on artificial intelligence. 

At the same time, the term 'meatspace' has become common for good reason.

If you're using AI to read e-mails and articles, and then using AI to write a response, and all you're really doing is sitting at the keyboard as a meatsuit for the AI... what are you even doing here?

And don't get me started how tech companies have pushed AI on us. Foisted it. It's one thing to have a nice little icon on the menu bar letting you know it's an option. It's another thing to rearrange your entire website so that the only think you see is an AI prompt window. 

But that's all casual observation, as a customer or user and not as a coder or programmer. 

Ever since my company purchased a subscription to one of the major AI coding platforms, and I realized that (as we lost a team member, and there's only one other member of my team stateside at the moment) I needed someone or something to answer questions and help me resolve issues while I learn my job, I have been using it at work.

And...

It's been a bit like the Gartner Hype cycle, all happening in about a month.

It's a powerful tool. A really powerful tool. But it will also go off on wild goose chases and tangents unless I stop it.

I've also worked hard at creating a 'coding harness', though I didn't even really understand that term when I started. I just knew that I wanted it to remember important parts about how our self-service application worked, and that I didn't want it to keep all that information in it's context window if it wasn't relevant. So I had it create a 'lessons learned' document, and reference documents, and also added in some hooks and workflows to try to make it consistently perform well and not hallucinate or write some crappy slop.

I... am not sure about that last part. I am still learning our application myself, and it's been great at helping explain what the code is doing and how it's doing it, but when you have multiple steps in a flow where one function is calling another function which is calling yet another, I am not entirely sure the AI understands the full flow properly. But that's what code reviews are for, right?

Anyways, in terms of troubleshooting, it's really, really good. Almost scary good. I had it create a skill so it knew what logs to check to see how a request was handled (this took some work too, because I gave it about four examples of different types of requests and had it look for the log entries related to it... and at first it was like "I didn't find any results, expanding the search window from the last 30 days to the last 60 days" and I had to stop it very fast and point out that the examples I gave were all from the last couple of days. Basically if it's not finding results with it's query, the issue is with the query and not with the date-range.)

Anyways, once I got it all configured it proved it's worth. It actually proved it's worth while I was configuring it, as a help request came in while I was training it and I decided to use that as an example. It very quickly noticed that the reason our company's customer support person wasn't able to get an account on their client's instance for troubleshooting purposes was because the group we were trying to create their account in had another group with the exact same name in it, and the duplicate names meant it was erroring out.

The skill has been... a life-saver, tbh. It's helped identify root causes and find workarounds more than I want to admit.

However - it still needs human judgment.  Human involvement. If it starts going down the wrong track it just keeps on going. 

It reminds me a bit of Mickey Mouse as the Sorceror's Apprentice in Fantasia, when he got the broom to start carrying the buckets of water. Except that things soon got out of hand, the brooms multiplied and kept carrying water and kept carrying water and kept carrying water...

Because here's the thing.

A human would eventually notice that the water was overflowing, that continuing to bring buckets of water didn't make sense, and they would probably stop before things got out of hand. They'd at least ask you if you really wanted them to keep doing it.

That broom, however, did not.

And an AI will not. Not unless on some level it's programmed to.

Anyways, as I see the discussions of AI going around and look at what tech companies are doing and consider it's usefulness and it's challenges, I think the heart of the problem is this:

Some people are using AI as a replacement for real people. 

And that, at least at our current level of technology, is going to fail. 

Update

 It's been a while since I sat and typed out some long posts. I've mostly just been throwing in some quick links for articles that interested me.

I don't think I've really talked about my thoughts on AI since I started using it at work, for example. And of course I'll have to write something about current events.

But overall - things are going well. I still love my job, am still working remote, and if it weren't for the ongoing decline in *looks around and skims the news* pretty much everything else, I'd say things were going well.

Oh, and I might have a business trip to Poland soon. I haven't been to Poland yet, so I'm looking forward to it. 

Weeds

If you plant a garden and then say 'I'm not going to remove anything or water or prune because I believe in survival of the fittest'

you will soon find yourself growing weeds.