The Universality of the Human Condition

 I was thinking about the state of America today, and about whether we are in a place where our differences are irreconcilable.

Obviously, that notion is almost the exact opposite of the title I gave this post, so let me walk you through my thought process.

I was thinking about whether our differences are irreconcilable. Poking away at it like a child with a loose tooth, wondering if there was even any point to posting since (as I've said before) you either already see it and I'd just be preaching to the choir, or you don't and probably aren't going to change your mind no matter what I say.

And this reminded me of the deep, aching, anger and frustration that comes in certain circumstances. One that never fades, and can only be ignored for a time. The one that I believe is the basis for our declaration that we are entitled to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."

The same ache and frustration that I think forms the very basis of our nation.

So I think I need to explain that feeling a little more. While the examples I use are not the only ones, I think you should be able to see the connection once I'm done.

A long, long time ago I made friends with a few fellow officers who graduated from West Point. Women - smart and funny and talented and beautiful - all of whom experienced the same thing at West Point. 

All of whom had learned that the men they studied with  categorized them as either a bitch, a slut, or a lesbian.

There were no other choices.

There was also some mystical perfect female figure that their male cadets would deign to date, but they were always civilian women and never a fellow cadet. In today's terms I would call her a 'trad-wife'.

But let's leave that aside, and let's talk about how these amazing women - women who often graduated with a deep level of insecurity, btw - and talk about what it's like to be put into a box. To be labeled in a way that you couldn't really fight or argue with.

Too argumentative and you were just a 'bitch'. 

Too accomodating and you were probably a 'slut'.

Too distant and you were probably a 'lesbian'. 

There was no way you could ever be considered as a whole, entire person in your own right.

This, btw, really resonated when I read that series The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. You see that same mentality at work. Not in all men, of course. But you can see it the cop who was overly hostile when he interrogated Lisbeth's friend. 

And his behavior is the kind of thing that often leads to one of two reactions - you either nod in recognition, or you think it's unrealistic and makes cops look worse than they are.

But I will come back to that.

What I want to talk about is that particular anger and frustration that comes from someone trying to make you be something you're not. When two people interact, there's a give and a take and when there's a real connection it's fun and engaging and just beautiful.

But if one person is unwilling to see the other person for who they are, if they project and image that doesn't match the reality, it's the opposite. It's frustrating and isolating and disengaging and painful.

It's a bit like you're being forced to act in a play, and the other actor gets upset when you're not playing they gave you. 

You may refuse to accept that role, that projection of who they expect you to be, but it's hard to do so without risk. The other person may get upset when you don't play along, and try to pressure you into playing the part they've given you. Or you can get so caught up with saying you're 'not' whatever it is, that you focus too much on who you're not and lose track of who you are.

This pressure, this misalignment, this disconnect is maddening - and many people struggle with how to deal with it without just making things worse. 

That feeling comes not just when a man is labeling a woman a 'bitch' and expecting her to play into his expectations. 

It also comes when a white person expects a black person to be 'lazy', or uses other racist stereotypes to cast the people around them in the roles they expect.

That feeling of frustration when you're not allowed to be who you are is universal, I think. It's probably the same feeling of anger and resentment peasants felt when some aristocratic asshole acted as though they were inherently superior. 

I cannot be who I am, because you are trying to make me play a role that isn't me.

I cannnot live to my full potential, cannot show my talents, cannot live my life... because you have decided I am something else. Something I'm not.

When our Declaration of Independence said these words - 

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

They were drawing on a rich tradition that understood that universal anger and resentment, and knew that the only path forward is to accept that everyone deserves to be treated as the beings with infinite potential that every single person is.

We are not all the same - we speak different languages and have different traditions and food and clothes. Some people expect the bride to wear white on their wedding day, others red. Some wear black to funerals, others white...

But all cultures have some tradition for how to deal with the common threads of life - birth, death. Some tradition of love and marriage (even if not everyone experiences it the same). 

When I went to an Indian religious event with some of my Indian coworkers, there were people talking and children playing and honestly it was much like what I saw at church events at the Roman Catholic churches my parents took us to. The languages and clothing and appearances were different, but aunties were cooing over babies and children were playing and it had the same feeling of community. 

The best of our American tradition is the understanding and awareness that infringing on that breeds the anger and resentment I talked about above. That when you try to tell someone they can't participate in their community, they can't go to their church services or can't share their cultural stories or can't speak their language of choice that you are trying to make them be someone they're not. You are trying to force them into a role of your own choosing (and it's generally a shallower, more limiting and superficial role, too. One that makes them less than they are, simply because you have a limited understanding of them.)

That anger, that resentment - it will never go away. You can suppress it, for a time. With brute force, and a boot to the neck. You can make people swallow their anger and pretend to play along.

But so long as you're unwilling to see people for who they are, unwilling to let them bring their full selves to the act, and keep trying to force them into the roles of your choosing - you will continue to find resistance and resentment. 

Great Commentary

https://www.readtpa.com/p/this-is-literally-the-job?publication_id=2282&post_id=185980222&isFreemail=false&r=bzxnl&triedRedirect=true

On Unfulfilling Fantasies and Sexbots

There's... A lot going on in the world today. And while I could, and maybe should, talk about it I'm reluctant to. Mostly because I don't think I would contribute anything new or that's likely to change anybody's mind. 

Instead I want to dig a bit deeper, look at something that could be an underlying cause.

And let me come at it sideways by saying - sexbots might be a good thing.

Hear me out.

Sexbots just do what they're programmed to. They have no will of their own. No desires.

Nothing to take away from the fantasy.

Which is apparently what a significant number of people want.

They want the fantasy. Like the trad-wife. The woman who never talks back, never disagrees, never refuses. And always has the house clean and dinner ready exactly when you want.

Someone who isn't a fully actualized person with wants and needs of their own.

So instead of learning how to build a relationship with a real person, instead of learning how to walk the tightrope between your needs and theirs, instead of learning how to communicate your desires and listen to theirs and work your way to some sort of solution...

You can just ditch all that messy and complicated work and get yourself a sexbot.

It's like having an AI in a sexy robot body.

You get your fantasy, you get everything you want, and you're not trying to force a real woman to play pretend.

Obviously, this post isn't actually about sexbots. Rather, it's about people avoiding the messy and complicated business of living with other people.

And maybe, hopefully, pointing out how bland and unfulfilling that 'fantasy' is. 

Well... Unless it's about control. Unless you don't want a sexbot and don't want to learn how to be in a relationship with a real person, presumably because you like the idea of making them go along with things they don't want to.

But let's go back to just why the fake relationship with a programmed fantasy is so bland and unfulfilling.

It won't ever challenge you. It won't make you take responsibility for yourself. 

It won't let you grow. Not really.

It's not going to enthusiastically introduce you to music that doesn't fit your normal interests, or make you watch that movie or TV show you hadn't really considered.

It's not going to complain about a bad day at work. Nor see and buy some silly thing just because it reminded them of you.

There's a certain mindset that seems to chase after the fantasy...

And in the process they miss all the fun, quirky, weird things people do. The things that make life truly fun and interesting and sometimes maddening or sad but all of it truly lived.

And while I feel sorry for them, for losing sight of what's important in chasing their unfulfilling dreams, I kind of wish they could have their sexbots...

So they could live out their stupid fantasies somewhere private and quit ruining things for all the rest of us.

(This applies to fantasies about world domination too. The 1% living in their little bubble wouldn't be too bad if they didn't have to ruin everything for the rest of us.)

And Yet It's So Hard to Convince Them...

https://www.tumblr.com/seananmcguire/806151980047269888?source=share

Venezuela

 I feel obligated to write something about the latest bit of insanity, though I'm not sure where to start.

There is a certain viewpoint I have debated with myself off and on over the years, regarding power. Some people believe that underneath our civilized facade, underneath the ideals and morals and principles, is a simple and brutal calculus.

That ultimately power decides who gets what, and any softening or benevolence is either due to the charity of the powerful or due to some calculation where that softness benefits the powerful more than brutality.

It is... hard to argue with, though I think it's the type of thinking that is self-referential. I.e. if you believe it, everything you see will provide evidence supporting it... and if you don't, no evidence will be persuasive, but that reflects more on your subjective judgement than any objective reality.

I know that could just be my own unwillingness to accept such a brutal calculation, but my own rejection of the idea says something too, don't you think?

I can understand that states may, perhaps, need a monopoly on violence. That there is an element of hard power that underlies the ability to wield soft power. That for example perhaps MLK, Jr was only successful because of the fear of Malcolm X.

And yet I think that is insufficient. To focus only on that hard power, to focus solely on gaining 'strength' and 'power' that allows you to dictate the results you want reveals... only a partial understanding.

I have pondered this, and I'm not entirely sure if it's instinct or emotion or if I'm really on to something, but I think of a couple of things.

First of all, that such power and strength generally requires cooperation. That is, a brutal dictator is only able to dictate things when their followers obey. It's kind of like how Trump repeatedly 'orders' insane things, only a fraction of which is actually followed up on. Some of it just gets dismissed as his typical bullshit, and goes nowhere.

A brutal ruler can rule through fear... if they have someone willing to follow through and enforce that rule. (This is generally why said dictator has a group of loyalists they try to maintain control of through some combination of carrot and stick.)

Too brutal a ruler risks winding up the way Caligula did, assassinated by his own guards.

So if cooperation is required, and 'strength' often means having more people cooperating... then who we choose to cooperate with can dictate who is 'strong'.

Okay, okay. I know that sounds twisty and complicated and perhaps even a bit self-referential. Let me back that up and try to explain why it matters.

We each help decide what world we live in. Sort of that 'be the change you want to see' concept. If we choose to support a brutal dictator, then we live in a world where brutal dictators are strong. 

If, however, we choose NOT to support such a ruler, then we live in a world where the 'strong' are the ones who aren't brutal dictators.

I'm basically saying that strength in this case comes from strength in numbers. In how many people support your cause.

And that if we choose to support someone who rules through fear, than we make it so that ruling through fear makes you strong.

If, however, we choose to consider that a sign of foolishness and poor leadership and only support leaders who refuse to use such tactics, then the ones who grow strong and gain numbers are the ones who rule through other means.

In other words, brutality is not actually strength. It can seem like it, especially when it appears to work. When people are terrified and go along with it, it definitely seems like they're strong. And that the strong rule.

But the reality is more subtle than that. Especially because ruling this way comes with a lot of negative consequences, such as poor decision making and difficulty in using people's talents effectively.

I'm not sure if I've explained that very well, but spending more time on it probably won't make it any clearer.

The main point was to say that hard power calculations are not always the full story, and can even lead you astray.

Furthermore, I mostly agree with the Russell Kirk's second conservative principle. Custom, convention, and continuity matter. These customs and conventions developed for a reason, and while we should never be so ruled by convention that we stick with them even when they stopped serving their purpose, we should understand that purpose  before we go changing them willy nilly.

In this regard, Trump and his supporters are definitely not conservative. Honestly, we shouldn't be applying that term to them because they aren't conserving shit. They have thrown out all custom and convention, they aren't ensuring any sort of continuity, and they are doing whatever the hell they feel like.

Especially when it comes to Venezuela, where they have thrown out all we ever understood about international law.

I get why some people find this appealing. All too often it seems like we are bogged down, tied up in a plethora of customs, conventions, and laws all telling us why we can't do one thing or another. It paralyzes us, makes us unable to do little more than wring our hands and say 'oh no! That's terrible'.

And yet... actually taking action comes with long term consequences we don't really seem to understand. Like invading Iraq, and then not being prepared for the instability unleashed or the resentment we created.

There's a reason Trump's critics keep comparing his rule to that of a toddler. He throws out norms and conventions and does whatever the hell he wants, and doesn't seem aware of or care at all about the messes he makes in the process.

So to get back to Venezuela - I could go into the long and boring arguments about why what he did went against international law, and set dangerous precedents, and all these issues that will probably take a while before the negative consequences show.

But at the same time, going back to a hard power analysis - who is in a position to stop him? Who will enforce that law? 

Russia?

China?

NATO?

I suspect it will seem like Trump got away with it, at least in the short term, even as I believe it will have long term consequences that we'd have been better off avoiding.

I am not sure yet what will happen in Venezuela - it does sound like Trump did it all for oil, and intends to be more actively involved in the country, but that makes it more likely we'll face resistance and perhaps even a homegrown insurgency not too different from what we saw in Iraq. Or maybe he'll be more hands off, but then what happens if Venezuela doesn't go along with whatever the hell he wants them to do?

Oh, and this whole Trump Corollary shit seems on the surface like a logical extension of the Monroe Doctrine and Roosevelt Corollary, except that despite the hard power elements of those concepts they rested on a deep American belief in the right to self-determination. The Monroe Doctrine was supposed to protect the rest of America from European colonialist powers, after all. Honestly I think part of why we created our own immigration problem and failed so miserably with the 'red scare' was because we let our fear of communism sway us into policies that completely disrespected that right to self-determination. Trump is continuing down that path, and it could easily lead us from a soft sphere of influence to a harder sphere of direct control... a path we have shied away from (more or less) for very good reasons.

I have given up truly trying to predict what this administration is going to do, or what the consequences will be.

I am not sure there's any coalition of power willing and able to force a hard stop. 

I also do not believe there will truly be no consequences, nor that this is setting a good precedent.

God help us get through this, because it's probably only going to get worse. 

 

There's a Term for It

I actually do see some uses for AI... 

It's just that far too many people seem to be using it like this.

Nice to see a term for it.

Thought Provoking

https://www.yesigiveafig.com/p/part-1-my-life-is-a-lie