I haven't posted much of late. can make the usual excuses (work, busy, etc) but that's only part of the truth.
A more complete truth is this: I'm somewhat at a loss. I know that I'm not quite where I want to be in life, yet I'm not entirely sure how to get to where I DO want to be.
Work? Well...let's see. I think I've been outmanoeuvred by a co-worker. Not that I was trying to manoeuvre that much in the first place (just trying to do a good job, you know?)
I could sort of see it coming. We had a fairly important discussion some months back about where to put some additional people, and I lost. Got overruled. It really annoyed me when it happened, because it felt like I was overruled not because my arguments were weak, but because my boss supported someone else more. Someone, btw, who wasn't as involved in my area of the facility and therefore did not really know what he was talking about. (Since he was focusing on the short-term problems we had more recently, he didn't sound exactly ignorant, to be fair.)
And here's the thing - I didn't want to fight it. Sure, I could see the way the wind was blowing...but did I really want to be that involved in how a distribution center runs?
The sad truth is - no. No, I don't. My interest, my passion, has always been with public policy. That's why I got the degree I did. I can feel my interest waning. Motivation is hard to maintain.
So now I'm left in a quandary. How do I get to where I want to be? Do I give up the start I made here, with this company? Do I try moving to a new location, even though I really like the house I bought?
Sure, I will transition to another department here shortly. Something new should keep me distracted for a little bit longer.
There are times I feel frustrated. Like I don't have the right skillset to get where I want to be. Not because I'm not smart enough, or capable enough. But because I just don't feel comfortable promoting myself, or networking.
More to the point - I think the co-worker who 'won' the argument is going to get my bosses job, and I really don't want to work for him. Not because he's a bad guy. I'm sure he'll do fine. It's more that...
That the way he rose to prominence doesn't really seem right. I try not to point fingers, but it feels like he got more buddy-buddy with my boss. I, on the other hand, tend to get annoyed/frustrated with bosses that I don't feel know what they're doing, and tend to avoid them and go all minimalist with behavior.
Not the most helpful response, I know. It's not even that I'm afraid to argue. I can and do speak up. Sometimes.
It's more like...the basic assumptions are so different that I can't even begin to start. Like the assumption that most of our employees are 'the enemy'. Not stated out loud, not explicit, of course. But we don't trust them to do their jobs without having a method of tracking productivity. And we assume they will try to get away with whatever they can. (An element of truth to that, yes. A chicken/egg thing? Maybe. Yet you don't build trust, don't change that dynamic, by allowing that attitude to dictate your decisions.)
Anyways. I feel like my basic assumptions/values don't mesh. Some days I despair of ever finding a workplace where they do. I fantasize about having my own organization, running things my way.
Testing out how much of what I believe is unrealistic, and pie-in-the-sky. And how much of it really does lead to a better place.
But then the real world comes crashing down on me. How would I go about doing that? Getting funding for such a project is right up there in the skillsets I don't feel comfortable with (i.e. networking, at least when it means pretending to like people you really don't.)
A more complete truth is this: I'm somewhat at a loss. I know that I'm not quite where I want to be in life, yet I'm not entirely sure how to get to where I DO want to be.
Work? Well...let's see. I think I've been outmanoeuvred by a co-worker. Not that I was trying to manoeuvre that much in the first place (just trying to do a good job, you know?)
I could sort of see it coming. We had a fairly important discussion some months back about where to put some additional people, and I lost. Got overruled. It really annoyed me when it happened, because it felt like I was overruled not because my arguments were weak, but because my boss supported someone else more. Someone, btw, who wasn't as involved in my area of the facility and therefore did not really know what he was talking about. (Since he was focusing on the short-term problems we had more recently, he didn't sound exactly ignorant, to be fair.)
And here's the thing - I didn't want to fight it. Sure, I could see the way the wind was blowing...but did I really want to be that involved in how a distribution center runs?
The sad truth is - no. No, I don't. My interest, my passion, has always been with public policy. That's why I got the degree I did. I can feel my interest waning. Motivation is hard to maintain.
So now I'm left in a quandary. How do I get to where I want to be? Do I give up the start I made here, with this company? Do I try moving to a new location, even though I really like the house I bought?
Sure, I will transition to another department here shortly. Something new should keep me distracted for a little bit longer.
There are times I feel frustrated. Like I don't have the right skillset to get where I want to be. Not because I'm not smart enough, or capable enough. But because I just don't feel comfortable promoting myself, or networking.
More to the point - I think the co-worker who 'won' the argument is going to get my bosses job, and I really don't want to work for him. Not because he's a bad guy. I'm sure he'll do fine. It's more that...
That the way he rose to prominence doesn't really seem right. I try not to point fingers, but it feels like he got more buddy-buddy with my boss. I, on the other hand, tend to get annoyed/frustrated with bosses that I don't feel know what they're doing, and tend to avoid them and go all minimalist with behavior.
Not the most helpful response, I know. It's not even that I'm afraid to argue. I can and do speak up. Sometimes.
It's more like...the basic assumptions are so different that I can't even begin to start. Like the assumption that most of our employees are 'the enemy'. Not stated out loud, not explicit, of course. But we don't trust them to do their jobs without having a method of tracking productivity. And we assume they will try to get away with whatever they can. (An element of truth to that, yes. A chicken/egg thing? Maybe. Yet you don't build trust, don't change that dynamic, by allowing that attitude to dictate your decisions.)
Anyways. I feel like my basic assumptions/values don't mesh. Some days I despair of ever finding a workplace where they do. I fantasize about having my own organization, running things my way.
Testing out how much of what I believe is unrealistic, and pie-in-the-sky. And how much of it really does lead to a better place.
But then the real world comes crashing down on me. How would I go about doing that? Getting funding for such a project is right up there in the skillsets I don't feel comfortable with (i.e. networking, at least when it means pretending to like people you really don't.)
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