One more thing, and I have debated writing this as it seems a bit... whiny? Too arrogant?
My previous post talked about anime, and how it addressed subtle interactions in a way that I enjoyed. Subtle things, like how one person can shift the dynamic through sheer willpower, or the ways someone can disrupt another person's rhythm to take control...
It's very much like Push Hands, or the concepts discussed by Sun Tzu.
So here's the (perhaps whiny and 'I'm a special snowflake') bit I wanted to add:
I've always been fairly bright, but certain concepts are easier to pick up than others. For example, I'm going to get an 'A' in my android programming class, but fragments and intents don't really resonate with me and I don't really enjoy creating phone apps. I think I'm capable of learning it, and doing well, but I am more than happy to leave that to other people.
Battle rhythm, push hands, Sun Tzu... these are things that resonate with me. I feel as though I know them, not just intellectually. It's as though I can feel them in my soul.
Perhaps the greatest frustration in my life (though less so as I successfully had an interview on Thursday, and look forward to learning more about cybersecurity) has been the difficulty I've had in getting the experience/sponsorship for developing my skills in those sorts of things. In the skills that I feel so strongly about.
My family plays canasta and euchre, and we all know it to such a degree that we can focus more on the psychological elements than the petty little rules. If we're playing canasta and someone discards a 2, we know that they're trying to change the rhythm of the game. They are 'freezing' the stack so that you can only take it with a pair in your hand, because their opponents probably have a lot of things down (and would otherwise keep taking the cards in the stack, as the others are forced to discard things they have already). They are possibly taking a risk, by giving up one of their precious wild cards in the hopes that their opponents don't have any pairs in hand, so that the stack gets big and strong. So they can extend the game, and perhaps get a really nice prize by the end.
These are things we don't need to explain, don't need to go into any detail on, because we all know the rules of the game and we all know what reasons would drive someone to discard a wild card.
I get the impression that any sufficient mastery can get someone to a similar level... that superb poker players can read into each bid, each fold, each action and understand what's going on to such a level that the game takes on a mental component.
In ultimate frisbee someone talked about 'field sense', once... the notion that you can maintain an awareness of everything going on around you during a fast paced game, to the point where you know where you need to be. (Or, as Gretzky did, you can go to where the puck/frisbee/ball is going, not where it was.)
And these things are true for more than just card games or sports... there's a reason we talk about 'battle rhythm'. I suspect great generals are aware of their field to such a degree that they can read into every little thing - a report of the enemy here, a sighting there - and know where to move to counter those actions (and logistics, logistics, logistics... how to make sure they have the resources they need in order to make those moves.)
Getting to that point, like mastering canasta or euchre or basketball or pretty much anything, requires skill, knowledge, and experience.
So for these concepts that resonate in my soul... I know that I need the training and experience to truly master.
It seems... sort of silly, like the worst sort of armchair quarterback, to claim I could be an expert general, or whatever. Especially since it's been over a decade since I served, I'm out of shape, and I've forgotten pretty much everything I learned about basic infantry tactics. And yet sometimes I wonder... if I hadn't been born in a time when women couldn't join infantry, if I'd gotten the training and experience, if I'd had years to hone my understanding... what could I have been?
And it's not just about being a general, since tbh that's not been a goal of mine. (It's just that when certain concepts in the FM 7-8 resonated like that, I had to wonder what could have been if I'd been in a position to develop that skillset).
But I felt something similar towards Human Intelligence... and even if I don't regret, now, not going that path, I sometimes wonder what I could have become if I'd again had the training and experience.
Same with Civil Affairs.
I left the Army out of frustration, though I don't really have any hard feelings towards it and I understand, to a certain degree. Managing large organizations is hard, there's always going to be personnel assigned to places they don't want to be, and the Army needs people to go where they're assigned. We're too large and bureaucratic for them to really cater to any one individual, after all.
But when I feel that burning desire to master something, when I know I get these concepts to a degree most others don't, that I probably have skills that they'd love to have if I could just get the right training and experience...
It's so very, very, very frustrating that nobody seems to see it. Nobody cares to develop it.
It's like knowing you've got a diamond mine within, knowing people admire and want to see a polished diamond, wanting that yourself... and yet you can't get anyone to bother putting in the work.
The world isn't cruel because they're out to get you, it's cruel because most people are far too busy with their own problems to care.
Edited to add: and so I think everyone, not just me, has a diamond mine inside them just waiting to be developed if we only could discover what their particular calling is for.
My previous post talked about anime, and how it addressed subtle interactions in a way that I enjoyed. Subtle things, like how one person can shift the dynamic through sheer willpower, or the ways someone can disrupt another person's rhythm to take control...
It's very much like Push Hands, or the concepts discussed by Sun Tzu.
So here's the (perhaps whiny and 'I'm a special snowflake') bit I wanted to add:
I've always been fairly bright, but certain concepts are easier to pick up than others. For example, I'm going to get an 'A' in my android programming class, but fragments and intents don't really resonate with me and I don't really enjoy creating phone apps. I think I'm capable of learning it, and doing well, but I am more than happy to leave that to other people.
Battle rhythm, push hands, Sun Tzu... these are things that resonate with me. I feel as though I know them, not just intellectually. It's as though I can feel them in my soul.
Perhaps the greatest frustration in my life (though less so as I successfully had an interview on Thursday, and look forward to learning more about cybersecurity) has been the difficulty I've had in getting the experience/sponsorship for developing my skills in those sorts of things. In the skills that I feel so strongly about.
My family plays canasta and euchre, and we all know it to such a degree that we can focus more on the psychological elements than the petty little rules. If we're playing canasta and someone discards a 2, we know that they're trying to change the rhythm of the game. They are 'freezing' the stack so that you can only take it with a pair in your hand, because their opponents probably have a lot of things down (and would otherwise keep taking the cards in the stack, as the others are forced to discard things they have already). They are possibly taking a risk, by giving up one of their precious wild cards in the hopes that their opponents don't have any pairs in hand, so that the stack gets big and strong. So they can extend the game, and perhaps get a really nice prize by the end.
These are things we don't need to explain, don't need to go into any detail on, because we all know the rules of the game and we all know what reasons would drive someone to discard a wild card.
I get the impression that any sufficient mastery can get someone to a similar level... that superb poker players can read into each bid, each fold, each action and understand what's going on to such a level that the game takes on a mental component.
In ultimate frisbee someone talked about 'field sense', once... the notion that you can maintain an awareness of everything going on around you during a fast paced game, to the point where you know where you need to be. (Or, as Gretzky did, you can go to where the puck/frisbee/ball is going, not where it was.)
And these things are true for more than just card games or sports... there's a reason we talk about 'battle rhythm'. I suspect great generals are aware of their field to such a degree that they can read into every little thing - a report of the enemy here, a sighting there - and know where to move to counter those actions (and logistics, logistics, logistics... how to make sure they have the resources they need in order to make those moves.)
Getting to that point, like mastering canasta or euchre or basketball or pretty much anything, requires skill, knowledge, and experience.
So for these concepts that resonate in my soul... I know that I need the training and experience to truly master.
It seems... sort of silly, like the worst sort of armchair quarterback, to claim I could be an expert general, or whatever. Especially since it's been over a decade since I served, I'm out of shape, and I've forgotten pretty much everything I learned about basic infantry tactics. And yet sometimes I wonder... if I hadn't been born in a time when women couldn't join infantry, if I'd gotten the training and experience, if I'd had years to hone my understanding... what could I have been?
And it's not just about being a general, since tbh that's not been a goal of mine. (It's just that when certain concepts in the FM 7-8 resonated like that, I had to wonder what could have been if I'd been in a position to develop that skillset).
But I felt something similar towards Human Intelligence... and even if I don't regret, now, not going that path, I sometimes wonder what I could have become if I'd again had the training and experience.
Same with Civil Affairs.
I left the Army out of frustration, though I don't really have any hard feelings towards it and I understand, to a certain degree. Managing large organizations is hard, there's always going to be personnel assigned to places they don't want to be, and the Army needs people to go where they're assigned. We're too large and bureaucratic for them to really cater to any one individual, after all.
But when I feel that burning desire to master something, when I know I get these concepts to a degree most others don't, that I probably have skills that they'd love to have if I could just get the right training and experience...
It's so very, very, very frustrating that nobody seems to see it. Nobody cares to develop it.
It's like knowing you've got a diamond mine within, knowing people admire and want to see a polished diamond, wanting that yourself... and yet you can't get anyone to bother putting in the work.
The world isn't cruel because they're out to get you, it's cruel because most people are far too busy with their own problems to care.
Edited to add: and so I think everyone, not just me, has a diamond mine inside them just waiting to be developed if we only could discover what their particular calling is for.
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