Update

I was on vacation last week, and had promised myself not to try and obsessively watch the news.

At the time, that was because of the pandemic, ofc, and I was tired of always following such depressing news.

Which is why I didn't hear about George Floyd as quickly as I normally do when something big hits the news.

Since then...

I have struggled to think about what to say. Or rather, I want to say pretty much what everyone else has. It's awful, there's no excuse or justification for it, it's wrong, and there have been far too many incidents like this.

But...

Then what?

I still think the pandemic is a major concern, and I'm not sure it's a good idea to protest... but I'm also glad to see people standing against this. Should I be one of them? I don't know.

It's important, as a white person, to show that we are also outraged by this. That it's not a black vs white issue. It's also important to bear witness, especially since the presence of white people can also change how the police react. (You can't help being born whatever race you are, but you can try to learn to use whatever you've got effectively, for good purposes.)

The looting and rioting... how much of it is the protestors, how much of it is outside agitators? Who knows?

Is this the excuse many think Trump and his ilk are looking for? Are we about to see the loss of the democracy we hold so dear?

Again... who knows.

It's depressing, and scary, and as an individual I'm not sure how best to show my support for the things I want.

And sometimes I wonder if it even matters.

The powers-that-be seem too powerful, too corrupt, and too entrenched. They're short-sighted idiots that don't even seem to realize what a mess they're making of things, and nobody seems in a position to give them the kick to the seat of the pants that they so desperately seem to need.

Speaking out is tough, because to most I'm just speaking to the choir. They already get it, they already agree...

It's the ones best positioned to actually make a difference that don't, and the reasons they're so out of touch seem to create an insurmountable obstacle.

I hate sounding defeated, ofc. I want to end this on a more hopeful note, instead of sounding like we're destined for a post-apocalyptic nightmare, but it's very hard to do.

I'm not sure what will happen in the next year. I hope... I hope that we come out of it with an American I can still recognize. The America I know and love - with it's Smiths and Johnsons and Nguyens and Parks. Gonzales' and Trojanowskys. It's Sarahs and Letitias, Marias and Rajashekars.

I'll try to focus on doing what little I can, and guess I'll just have to see what happens.