Hello World. It's been a long time since I've posted anything, and that was on another site.
For one reason or another, I decided I wanted a fresh and clean slate of blogging. And then I got busy, and haven't blogged at all.
Why am I back? Well, dear rhetorical reader, my head was going around in circles about an issue and I wanted to blog it out. I finally got the push to try writing again.
I'll try to explain it like this.
Most of the people I know despise politics. Office politics, national politics, it all smacks of dirty self-interest, one-upmanship, and ego gratification. Games done to get ahead, pretending to like people you don't, stabbing people in the back, etc. Oh, I know a lot of people who have strong political views, will vote, etc. But running for office? Not so much.
Plus, most of us just aren't the 'cool kids'. We don't win popularity contests, and it seems somehow wrong to be one of the ones who do. Shallow and superficial, sacrificing who you are just to stay on top of the ladder. I like to point people to the book Hope for the Flowers, because it captures that issue so well. People are trying to climb to the top of a pillar, when true fulfilment and happiness comes from learning how to build a cocoon and become a butterfly.
Which is scary. There are no rules. No set path to follow. In fact, if people are telling you that you 'ought' to follow a certain path to success, it will probably lead you off track.
There is a whole genre of success stories where people do that. They ignore the naysayers, do their thing, and make it big. Live the life.
And yet. How many failures for every success story? As one of my friends said, you get this idea that your life is like a movie. You'll have a montage of scenes showing that you're training, or learning, or facing setbacks and challenges. But the montage quickly fades and there you are, where you want to be.
Real life is scarier. More uncertain. Maybe you will wind up getting there. Maybe you won't. You can't believe that your life is a movie...
But if it isn't, then where are you?
Or, in this case, where am I?
The details probably don't matter. Suffice to say that I feel pressure to 'play the game', to create the numbers to show that I'm a good candidate for a better position. (I'm getting itchy feet. Been here two years, done good work, but beginning to feel like I should seek something more.) I know I did well. I know I'm a good candidate. But I absolutely HATE having to sell myself by coming up with some amazing metric on how awesome I am.
Especially when the numbers my boss is recommending don't feel like they capture what I contributed the most to. I think I helped with fuzzier things that On-Time-Ship statistics...though ultimately I'm sure I did help the bottom line. I helped give our people the tools and training they needed for the massive system change we just went through. I helped provide our operational experience to decisions they were making, so that the system was modified more in line with what we would need.
Granted, in a massive project like this I have also seen myself make mistakes. Some of it because of the long hours, and the stress we're all under (we all are getting a little loopy when we've been working 12+ hr days and Saturdays. Yes, I know...not too different from what I worked when I was deployed. Which also led to this post, because this project made me realize I kind of missed that. Not deploying. Just - being involved with a big project where what I did could make a difference.)
So. To get to that next step, do I have to do something I'm not all that comfortable about doing. Sell myself as a good candidate?
For one reason or another, I decided I wanted a fresh and clean slate of blogging. And then I got busy, and haven't blogged at all.
Why am I back? Well, dear rhetorical reader, my head was going around in circles about an issue and I wanted to blog it out. I finally got the push to try writing again.
I'll try to explain it like this.
Most of the people I know despise politics. Office politics, national politics, it all smacks of dirty self-interest, one-upmanship, and ego gratification. Games done to get ahead, pretending to like people you don't, stabbing people in the back, etc. Oh, I know a lot of people who have strong political views, will vote, etc. But running for office? Not so much.
Plus, most of us just aren't the 'cool kids'. We don't win popularity contests, and it seems somehow wrong to be one of the ones who do. Shallow and superficial, sacrificing who you are just to stay on top of the ladder. I like to point people to the book Hope for the Flowers, because it captures that issue so well. People are trying to climb to the top of a pillar, when true fulfilment and happiness comes from learning how to build a cocoon and become a butterfly.
Which is scary. There are no rules. No set path to follow. In fact, if people are telling you that you 'ought' to follow a certain path to success, it will probably lead you off track.
There is a whole genre of success stories where people do that. They ignore the naysayers, do their thing, and make it big. Live the life.
And yet. How many failures for every success story? As one of my friends said, you get this idea that your life is like a movie. You'll have a montage of scenes showing that you're training, or learning, or facing setbacks and challenges. But the montage quickly fades and there you are, where you want to be.
Real life is scarier. More uncertain. Maybe you will wind up getting there. Maybe you won't. You can't believe that your life is a movie...
But if it isn't, then where are you?
Or, in this case, where am I?
The details probably don't matter. Suffice to say that I feel pressure to 'play the game', to create the numbers to show that I'm a good candidate for a better position. (I'm getting itchy feet. Been here two years, done good work, but beginning to feel like I should seek something more.) I know I did well. I know I'm a good candidate. But I absolutely HATE having to sell myself by coming up with some amazing metric on how awesome I am.
Especially when the numbers my boss is recommending don't feel like they capture what I contributed the most to. I think I helped with fuzzier things that On-Time-Ship statistics...though ultimately I'm sure I did help the bottom line. I helped give our people the tools and training they needed for the massive system change we just went through. I helped provide our operational experience to decisions they were making, so that the system was modified more in line with what we would need.
Granted, in a massive project like this I have also seen myself make mistakes. Some of it because of the long hours, and the stress we're all under (we all are getting a little loopy when we've been working 12+ hr days and Saturdays. Yes, I know...not too different from what I worked when I was deployed. Which also led to this post, because this project made me realize I kind of missed that. Not deploying. Just - being involved with a big project where what I did could make a difference.)
So. To get to that next step, do I have to do something I'm not all that comfortable about doing. Sell myself as a good candidate?
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